My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
