Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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