Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
