Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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