Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
