My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
