i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We need to get me chipped asap
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
