Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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