everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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