i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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