i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
