my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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