My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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