I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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