Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
