Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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