I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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