but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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