I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
