Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
