I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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