I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
