i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
