your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
this will be a night to untag.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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