It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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