Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
