definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
