he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
