walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
