I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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