Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
