So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize