Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
