come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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