This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
