I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
