By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
