the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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