I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
