He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
