Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
