I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
