Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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