after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
