he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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