Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
