Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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