the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dick very happy bro
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I enjoy the company of your penis
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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