I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
