if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
