I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
