Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
